SUMMARY: Buffy has a dream that she's not going to survive a coming battle and decides to go to Los Angeles to settle up some old scores.
TIMELINE: Post EPIPHIANY, Post THE BODY
ADDITIONAL NOTES: The title is from James Taylor. It's been awhile since I've done any writing. Shawn keeps pushing me around so I decided to come back and see if I could still do it. So we finished this piece. Shawn and I. Of course now with Greenwalt's comments..well..who knows anymore..

The little red head watched her friend pace the room anxiously. She wanted to reach out and grab her but wondered truly if she'd actually catch her. "Buffy.."

"I know, I know.." the tiny Slayer mumbled, coming to an abrupt halt and turning to face her friend.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Willow queried. "Why Dawn called me practically in tears..she's really freaked.."

"I know.." Buffy said, remorse in her eyes. "I didn't mean to scare her.."

"Well you're scaring me," Willow said softly, reaching out to touch her old friend. "What's going on?"

"I had..I had a dream, Wills.."

"You always have dreams," Willow replied gently, knowing somehow that this was a very delicate situation. She had been woken up at two in the morning by a near hysterical 14 year old girl who had been terrified that her older sister was being hurt. Dawn couldn't take it.

"Yeah..dreams." Buffy murmured. Then she looked up and Willow saw tears in her friends' eyes. "I dreamed I was going to die. The last time I did that..I did die."

"But you came back.."

Buffy swallowed hard and gasped out her friends' name. Willow just reached across and took Buffy in her arms. "Hey..hey..okay..okay."

She looked up to the doorway and saw the Slayers' little sister standing there. The poor girl has already been through so damn much. Her mothers' death had shaken her to the core. Hell, it had shaken them all but Dawnie..she was still just a child.

"Buffy?" the girl asked, sounding so much like a little girl. She took a deep breath, wanting desperately to be strong for her older sister.

Buffy looked up at her and smiled sadly. She made a quick desperate motion to wipe the tears away from her eyes. "Hey.."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Buffy said with a sad smile. She pulled Dawn down to she and Willow. "Just a dream..wigged me a bit. I'm okay."

"You promise?" Dawn queried, wanting so desperately to be the small child in pigtails. The one with two parents and a normal sister.

Buffy held for a moment, her mind whirling. Finally she replied with a soft smile, "Yeah, I promise. You get back to bed."

Dawn frowned at her, considering reminding her sister that she wasn't ten but finally relented. She gave her sister a quick hug and then moved away. Once the door closed, Buffy turned to Willow.

"I wonder how many times mom lied to me. You know? The doctor said mom knew that there was always a risk of..you know..what happened. She didn't tell me.."

"She was trying to protect you."

Buffy nodded, acknowledging the words. "I know. And now I'm protecting Dawn."

Willow squeezed her friends' shoulder, bothered by the deep resignation in it. The lines around Buffy's eyes spoke volumes. So it was true after all, you really could age rapidly..even overnight. "It was just a dream."

Buffy smiled sadly," No, Will..I..I dunno." She took a deep breath. "Even so..there's something I need to do.."

Willow lifted an eyebrow, "Talk to Angel?"

"It's about time isn't it?" Buffy replied, nodding. "But there is something else.."

***

He rubbed her shoulders, pressing his thumbs into her blades. She sighed contented and dropped her head back. "You're drooling," he said with a grin.

Her eyes snapped up. "Am not! I do NOT drool." Cordelia Chase spun on him to regard him with her well practiced gaze of ice. He just laughed. "Dammit Gunn!"

"Sorry..sorry. The lady asks for a back rub and then bitches her way through it.."

She scowled at him and then reached back and grabbed his hand, "Did anyone tell you that you could stop rubbing?"

"No, mistress..so sorry.."

"Do I even want to know?" Angel asked, coming into the office. His eyebrow was lifted and his lip quirked upwards in amusement. "Should I.."

"Whatever you're thinking..stop." Cordelia said quickly. "And fire this man.." she cut herself off with a moan as he rubbed his thumbs in circles around her neck muscles. "On second thought," she purred.

Angel shook his head and made his way over to the coffee pot. Pulling it off the warmer, he frowned. "Who was in charge of coffee?"

"Wesley.." they both replied.

"And where's Wesley?"

"It's his day off," Gunn said with a smirk. "Would you stop squirming?"

"Would you stop talking and do your job?"

"Am I being paid for this?"

"You get my presence.."

"Shit..I quit."

She turned and fixed him with a squinted glare. He just smirked. "Rub.."

"Yes ma'am."

Angel shook his head and chuckled. He moved over to the desk and began to make his way through the current files. He stopped and read one, lifting his eyebrow and then shaking his head in exasperation.

"The Miller case?" Cordelia queried, eyes closed.

"Is this woman insane?"

"You have no idea," Gunn replied. He was about to elaborate when the phone rang. Gunn glanced over to Cordelia who has her eyes closed. "You gonna get that?"

She sighed and picked it up," Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless." There was a grief pause and then she handed the phone back towards Angel. "It's for you."

"Who is it?" he queried, pouring coffee grains into a filter.

"Buffy," Cordelia replied. She looked up at Gunn. "Rub..Coco."

"Coco? The black man is Coco?"

"Oh just rub.." she looked over at Angel. "Hey lover boy..lover girl..."

"Right..yeah.." Angel said, reaching for the phone. He stopped. "Does she sound hurt.."

"Angel.."

"Right." He took the phone from her and then took a very deep if not unnecessary breath. "Buffy?"

"Hi," she said, almost shyly.

"Hi, are you okay?" he asked, deeply worried. The last time he had seen her had been the night of her mothers' funeral. That had been less than a month ago so he could well imagine that she was still in quite a good deal of emotional pain.

"No..Angel..I had a dream.."

He felt dread grip her. When Slayers had dreams, bad things tended to happen. "Wha...what happened.."

"Can I come there?" she asked, her voice low. "Can I come see you?"

He blinked. "Of course..yes. Yes. "

"Thanks. I need your help with something.."

"Anything. Just ask."

"I want to see Faith."

He nodded slowly. This was bad. Very bad. Not that she wanted to see Faith at all..no that was something that would have had to happen eventually. No, rather it was her desperation to do so that told him that something was amiss. "Okay, tomorrow is visiting day if that's okay?"

"Yeah..that's good."

"When will you be here?"

"Tomorrow morning..is that okay?"

"Of course. I'll see you then."

"Okay." There was a pause on the line. "Angel?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, Angel. I love you." And then she hung up.

He stared at the phone for a long moment, swallowing hard. Closing his eyes, he repeated the words back to her in his head. I love you too my beloved. Always.

****

He didn't sleep much. Hell, he didn't sleep at all. It was more like a tossing Olympics. He tried every position he could and eventually every spot on the bed. He even tried sleeping on the floor. But as the hours ticked away, all he could do was stare at the ceiling.

Something was wrong. She was scared. Buffy Summers didn't get scared. She was the toughest little chick that he had ever met. Sure, she'd been through a lot lately what with the death of her mother and having to take over in the parenting department. But she was still strong. That was her way.

But she was also the Slayer which meant that she had those freaky dreams. Prophetic dreams. The ones that foretold the future and had a bizarre way of being sorta kinda accurate.

He shifted in his bed and sighed. He craned his neck to stare at the digital clock. 4:48. With a dramatic sigh, he pushed himself out of the bed. It was obvious that sleep wasn't going to happen.

He descended the stairs to the lobby of the Hyperion two at a time. There was only one light still left on and that was the one by the desk. He could see stacks of files that were in the process of being finished or worked on. Moving over to the desk, he picked one up.

"Do something useful.." he muttered to himself. "The Miller case.." he took a deep breath and shook his head. "Okay..this isn't useful. This is torture."

"I know.." a voice said from behind him. He turned and blinked.

"Cordelia? What are you doing up and around at this time of night?"

"I work for you don't I? Cordelia said, dropping a file on the desk. "Jane Miller called..apparently she's certain that her demon is hiding in her shower waiting to molest her. Gunn and I went over there to calm her. Her boyfriend.. Mr. Toiler Plumber just got home."

"So what are you doing here? Why aren't you at home sleeping..sounds like you've had a long enough night."

She laughed dryly. "That woman..well..you know." She smiled brightly and shook her head. "I just wanted to drop the rest of the file off. Gunn is going to drive me home." She started to turn away from the desk and then turned back. "Are you okay?"

He started to say that he was but stopped. This group had already had enough problems with not talking to each other. This was his family. For better or for worse. "No..I'm worried.."

"About Buffy?"

"Yeah..she had a dream..she sounds scared.."

Cordelia pursed her lips and thought for a moment. She reached out and touched his arm. "That's why she's coming to you..because she knows you'll make it better. You'll catch her. You always do."

He smiled appreciatively. "Thanks."

"Hey Cordelia..are we going or should I break out the sleeping bags and get to harmonizing some John Denver?"

"Perish the thought," she groaned, shooting Gunn a glare. She smiled back at Angel. "Asshole is calling. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," he said with a smile. He turned away from her and started to leaf through the Miller file again.

"And Angel.." Cordy started. He turned to look at her. "If you need to be caught..this time..we'll be there." He dipped his head in acknowledgement and smiled. She returned the smile and then turned and walked out with Gunn.

He watched them go, still smiling. This group had come a long way and things were finally starting to feel right again.

*****

She stopped by the Starbucks across the street from the hotel at just after seven in the morning. She had been trying desperately to break herself of her caffeine habit but without much success. And today was not a good day to deal with a withdrawal headache. She ordered a triple mocha, loaded it down with chocolate sprinkles and two packets of raw sugar and then drank it down in five minutes. She hastily ordered a second one and then turned to the day at hand.

Angel. And Faith.

And saying what needed to be said in case she never had the chance. She knew what she was and she knew where she stood in the grand scheme of it all. She knew her odds and she knew that eventually she would be just a step too slow. It was time.

She walked across the street slowly, studying her feet as they moved and noticing how they seemed to be framed by the black pavement. She was wearing blue and white Airwalks. Normally she wouldn't be but they went well with her overalls. Angel loved when she wore those. She blinked. No..this wasn't about that. Don't think that way.

The hotel was huge. Well of course it was. Angel always did like wide open areas with a lot of walking space. He was a footer and a place with a hundred vacant rooms and empty halls was right up his alley.

She pushed the door open and stepped in. It didn't smell vacant. She picked up the strong scent of french vanilla coffee brewing. In her mind she slapped herself for not waiting and instead wasting nearly eight dollars on it.

"Angel?" she called out, stepping into the lobby. The front desk was covered from side to side with stacks of folders, all color coded for some reason or another.

"Hey.." he said, sticking his head out. She wondered vaguely what room he was in because all she could see was his head and it presented a rather surreal visual.

"Hi," she giggled. He lifted an eyebrow.

"What's so funny?"

"Come out here.."

"Okay.."he stepped around the counter and moved towards her. She noted that in his hand was an oversized mug, presumably of coffee, that had a cow on it.

"Give me a hug," Buffy insisted.

"Okay.." he did as he was told, the fear starting to slip back into him. Not that he didn't love holding her but his natural instinct told him that she wasn't just saying hello; she was holding on. He leaned over and kissed her neck, allowing his lips to hold a moment against her soft flesh. Allowing the thoughts of fire and ice to spill through his mind..

"So what time do we go?" Buffy asked abruptly, pulling him from his thoughts.

"Huh? Oh..ten is the earliest. You in a hurry?"

"No!" she said quickly. Then she smiled. "No." She stepped back and looked up at him. She ran her palm over his cheek. "God..you're so beautiful."

"Likewise..baby..what's wrong?" Angel asked, eyes full of concern and love. She was breaking his heart.

"My dream...Angel.."

"Tell me." He reached over and took her hand, folding it into his own. "Tell me."

"Angel..I died. I kept falling.." Buffy said, looking away from him. She was about to move away when he caught her hand again and pulled her back close. He gave her a look, urging her on. "I don't know how but I was fighting..Glory I think..and then I was just falling..and I knew I wasn't going..Angel..I knew I was about to die."

"But you didn't die..you're right here.."

"Every other time.." she said, tears in her eyes. "I dreamed that the Master killed me..and he did. I dreamed that Dru killed you and you did leave me..in a way you did die.."

"But we both came back.."

"How many times, Angel?" Buffy challenged. "We're not gods and eventually I am going to die. Last night..I saw it.."

"You can change that. You always do..you always defeat prophecy.."

"Not defeat..go around.."

"Just the same. You're still here. And so am I. We'll figure our way out of this one too.."

"Maybe," she said, giving in a bit. Then she looked up at him. "But if I don't..I want these things said..I need them said.."

He looked at her and then finally nodded. "Me too.."

"I couldn't stand the idea that you might think.."

I don't. I know. God, Buffy..I always know," he interjected. Leaning forward, he brushed his lips past hers. "Calm down, love. Calm down and we'll talk, okay?"

She nodded slowly. "I'm a little wired."

He glanced down at the coffee cup in her hand and shook his head, eyes sparkling with a hint of amusement. "I imagine." He took her free hand. "Come on. Come up stairs with me.."

"Why Angel.." she said with a laugh, "I'm a lady.."

He grinned impishly,"This ain't no first date."

She laughed and it felt good. "Lead on my love, lead on."

*****

"Honey.." Angel said softly, giving the small blonde a gentle push. "Honey.."

They were lying on his bed, the cool morning air drifting in underneath the pulled blinds. There were glints of sunlight around the room but they all managed to stay clear of both his bed and his walking space.

It was just after ten in the morning and she was out. Like a light. Her head was rested against his chest and she was in a gentle rhythm.

He gave her another gentle shake and was about to say her name when he saw one of her eyes crack open. "Angel," she muttered. "Do you like being dead?."

He blinked. "No. Yes. No. Huh?"

"Never wake a Slayer up..you know better."

He grinned, "Sorry. It's after ten.."

"Oh," she said, sobering up. It was like she was suddenly hit with the memory of why she had come to Los Angeles. She started to rise up out of the bed but he put a hand up and slowed her.

"Easy..no hurry."

"Isn't there?"

He looked down and away, glancing at the wall.

"Angel? What..what's wrong?" she asked, moving towards him.

"No hurry," he repeated. He looked up at her and then in a very quiet voice said, "I guess I just wanted to spend time with you."

She smiled and her eyes lit up this time. Reaching across, she stroked his cheek. "After I talk to Faith..we'll spend the day together, okay?"

He brightened considerably, almost like a child. "Okay." Helping her to her feet he said, "Well let's go then.."

*****

Wesley looked up when the couple descended the stairs, holding hands. He paused for a moment, eyebrow lifted. "I missed something," he said simply, obviously.

"How was your day off?" Angel asked, stepping around Wes to pour himself another cup of coffee.

"Fine. Any problems around here?" Wesley fished, eyes still on the tiny blonde who was looking through files.

Angel just smiled. "Nope. We'll be back in a couple of hours. Gunn and Cordy probably won't be in for awhile..they were up rather late last night."

"I know," Wes said with a sigh. "They called me.."

Angel chuckled. "Crazy kids. Hold the fort, Wes."

"As always.." Wes replied with a smile. Then he turned back to the coffee pot, "It's not my day to make coffee..that was yesterday.."

*****

"You're not going to go in with me?" Buffy asked, a little bit alarmed.

"No, I'm not. This is between you and Faith. It doesn't involve me. I'll be out here in the car.."

"Angel.."

"Buffy, love..you wanted to talk to her..to get things sorted out. Well you don't need someone holding your hand to do that, right?"

"Right," she replied grudgingly. Then she looked up at him, blue eyes wide, "I'm scared."

"Why?"

She looked away and muttered something.

"Again?"

"I need her," Buffy murmured. She looked up at him and took a deep breath. "I know how this is gonna sound..very corny and very cheesy so just let me get it out, okay?"

"Okay.."

"Shush.."

"Sorry.."

"Angel!"

"Shutting up. Please..go on.."

She narrowed her eyes at him for a beat and then shook her head, allowing a small giggle to pass. She smacked him lightly on the arm. "You..you..bad man." She closed her eyes briefly, as if to recollect herself. "Sorry," she murmured. "Okay..here it is..corny and cheesy..you're my soulmate..that I believe..but Faith is like my other sister..like Dawn..you know.."

He nodded, "I know. Go on..you can do this."

"Yeah?" she asked, uncertain.

"Yeah," he assured her. "Of course."

*****

It was cold inside the jail or maybe it was just her. As she gazed around at the other visitors coming to see family or friends and noted that several were in shorts, she realized that it was likely just her nerves.

The guard led her over a chair. There was a glass wall separating her side of the room from the side Faith would be on. For some reason, she hated that idea.

"Wait," the guard said.

She nodded and fell into the seat, feeling her bottom slide against the polished wood. She folded her hands and then separated them. She placed them at her sides and then on the table.

"Hey B.," a voice said.

She looked up stunned and blinked. "Faith..hi."

"Didn't ever expect to see you here," Faith said softly.

"I was always going to come. Eventually," Buffy assured her. "You look good." And she did. The taller dark haired Slayer looked tired but there was something in her eyes. Something like hope.

"Well you know, my private staff works around the clock.."

"You're cut," Buffy noticed.

Faith nodded. "I am. A fight.." she said the last bit hesitantly, like she expected to be yelled at.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah..B..I'm surprised you're here..not that I'm not..happy..but.."

"You're wondering why," Buffy said plainly.

"I am. You've never answered any of my letters..I figured well.."

"I didn't know how. I've been so angry at you. I've hated you so much.."

Faith looked down at her hands. She took a deep breath. She knew this already. She closed her eyes and told herself that Buffy had a right to these emotions no matter how much they hurt her.

"..and I realized that part of the reason why I do is because I'm partly responsible.."

"What?" Faith exclaimed, looking up. "No! No. Buffy..if anything that all of this has taught me..besides keep your back to the wall..is that I made my own mess.."

"And I should have been there to help you clean it up..I was so messed up in my head and in my mind..that's no excuse.."

"Buffy..my fault..do you get that? This is about me. I did the wrong.."

"And I let you down.."

"No.."

"Come on Faith..admit it..you're angry at me.."

Faith nodded, "I was. I'm not."

"Why were you?"

"Why do we need to go down this path?"

Buffy looked down at the floor. "I had a dream.."

"I know. You were falling."

Buffy looked up at her in shock. Faith for her part just gave her a sad smile.

"Yeah..I was." She swallowed. "Then you know why I'm here."

"To settle old scores?"

"To make things right. I fucked you as much as you fucked me."

"Sounds like a wild ride," Faith murmured. She sipped from a glass of water. "Okay, you want the truth?"

"I do."

"I hated you. You had it all. You had the perfect mom.."

"I don't have that anymore.." Buffy whispered.

Faith looked at her sympathetically. "Oh B..I'm sorry..I didn't.."

"No..go on..there will be plenty of time for a cry afterwards..please..I need to hear this.."

"..perfect friends and a man who loved you more than anything. And it didn't even seem like you were trying. It was like everything just fell in your lap. I hated you for that because no matter what I did..it was never right." She swallowed and took another sip. "The mayor..no matter what else he was..he did love me. He did. Sure..he used me a bit..but B..he loved me."

"Bad people can love.." Buffy told her gently.

"I know that now..I don't think it mattered then. I just wanted someone to think of me first, you know?"

Buffy nodded. ""I was going to kill you that night.."

"No, you weren't," Faith said with a slight smile. "B, if you could have seen the look on your face when you stabbed me..priceless..you didn't have a clue. Maybe you thought you were going there to kill me but that's not you..I figured that out lazy year.."

"How?"

"When I woke up..my mind was spinning..and my first thoughts were that I had to find you..it would be okay..but I just started getting more and more angry. And then I found out that the guy you had come after me for..you had let walk away.." she took a deep breath, "I believed in you guys."

"Why?" Buffy asked, genuinely shocked.

"Because you're the real thing. Anyone with eyes can see that..the way you look at each other..the way you can't stay away..what you'll do for each other..that's what I always wanted..someone to look at me like that.."

"And Riley?"

"He looked at you like that too. You didn't vibe with the guy but he still thought you were the night and day..I wanted to feel that..and I hated you so much because I thought you took it so much for granted.."

"I was so messed up last year.."

"We're always messed up, aren't we?" Faith said with a grin.

"Yes, we are."

"In any case, I know what I am B."

"And what's that?"

"A monster."

Buffy felt her heart crash. She pressed a palm to the glass and looked hard at the other Slayer.

"Understand me here. No. No."

"What?" Faith asked, shocked and somehow moved.

"I know monsters, Faith. I know them well. Monsters don't take accept punishment..monsters don't do what you're doing.."

"But am I good person?" Faith queried, a look of desperation in her eyes.

Buffy paused and then gave her a soft smile, "You're my sister."

Faith stared back at her and then nodded. "You're not gonna die..you know that, right?"

"I wish I did..I'm scared."

"Yeah..me too."

*****

"How did it go?" Angel asked, looking up as the door to his car opened. He put down the novel he was reading and smiled at the tiny blonde.

"Good. Really good."

"You're crying.."

"No, I cried..we talked about mom.."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. If I'm still alive next week..I'm gonna come see her again.."

"That's not funny, Buffy."

"Sure it is, " she replied, wiping the tears away. She squeezed his hand. "Oh relax.."

"I don't relax when.."

"Angel, love, lighten up..."

"Sorry," he said with a small apologetic smile. "Back to the Hyperion?"

"Is lunch there?"

"It can be."

"Then onwards," she giggled.

*****

"You take one more step and I will kill you," she said, eyes narrowed. She moved quickly across the floor, her heels clapping loudly against it.

For his part, faced with possible bodily harm, he just laughed. Lifting an eyebrow to her as if to say "oh yeah?", he brought the sandwich to his mouth.

"Charles Gunn!" she barked.

"Gunn.." Wesley suggested, "Perhaps that's not the wisest.."

He bit down and then chewed. "Mmm..yummy..thank you.."

She growled and started to move towards him.

"Welcome to my circus," Angel said, stepping into the lobby with Buffy at his side. "What's going on?"

"The usual," Wesley said from behind the desk. "Mrs. Miller called.."

"Give it to Gunn and Cordelia..they seem to have a special rapport with her."

Cordelia's mouth dropped open in protest and she seemed to be contemplating which man deserved death more. Finally, she continued her movement towards Gunn.

"Did you guys order out for lunch?"

"Yep..sandwiches.." Gunn said, taking another bite from hers.

"That's mine," Cordelia snapped, reaching for Gunn. He slapped her hand away.

"In the kitchen?"

"Yes," Wesley said. "Hurry..Gunn seems to be hungry today."

Angel just chuckled and then turned to lead Buffy into the kitchen. Laid out on the table was a large box containing a six foot sub from Togo's. He was about to ask Buffy if she wanted a plate when he saw her make a hard left for it. He just shook his head and smiled.

*****

"So you'll call me in a few days then? Just so I know you're okay?" Angel asked, his voice low. They were standing next to her car, the dark night sky sparkling around them. It was almost nine at night.

"Sure," she smiled. "But Angel.."

"No buts.."

"Angel..in this work we're both in..come on.."

"I know..I just..it's hard.."

She reached up and touched his face. Then wrapping her hand around his neck, she pulled him down to her and kissed him hard. Breaking away she looked at him, "I love you so much. You said once that even death can't change that.."

"That's true.."

"So I want you to make me a promise.."

"Okay," he agreed hesitantly.

"No, say it. Angel..say 'I promise', please?" Buffy insisted, still running her fingers across his face.

It wasn't fair really. It wasn't like he actually had the option of declining; he could barely think much less resist her. "I promise.." he murmured, eyes closing. Mentally he berated himself for acting like a hormonal teen. Then again though..

"If I do die..you won't go insane..you won't let down again.."

He blinked and looked up at her, confusion in his eyes. She ran her fingers through his hair and then leaned up to kiss him again.

"Look, I know you..better than anyone..I know how you get..but I can't stand the idea of you hurting yourself..if I do go..promise me you'll keep fighting.."

"Buffy.."

"Angel, please..I know it's selfish but I need to know that you'll be okay." Buffy insisted, her posture altering with her frustration.

He placed a hand on each of her shoulders and steadied her. "I promise..I'll be okay.."

She moved to kiss up and then stopped and in a small childs voice said, "But not too okay, right?"

He laughed. "No, never that." He accepted the kiss and held it for a long moment.

She finally broke away, "I have to get going. I promised that I would be back by midnight tonight. They'll wig if I'm not."

"Okay.." he said reluctantly. "Drive safe." He opened the door to her car and gave her a hand on. Leaning over, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and let it linger. "You'll always know, right?"

"Always. Goodnight my Angel."

*****

"You look elsewhere," Xander noted as he moved to sit beside his best friend on the roof of her house. It was almost midnight. Dawn was long since in her bed, pretending to sleep while in actuality scribbling away in her diary.

"I am.." Buffy replied. She felt him slide an arm around her back. She dropped her head against him and sighed. "I'm so tired, Xan.."

"I know," he said. "I know. But we keep fighting, right?"

"Yes, we do."

"We always do," Xander said with a soft smile.

She turned to look at him, "Until we don't." Her voice was very soft and it was clear that despite the wonderful day she'd had, the dream was replaying itself in her head.

"No," he reassured her. "We always will." He pulled her head back against his chest and looked out into the endless expanse of night.

"Why?" she asked, eyes closed.

"Because it's what you taught us.."

"Did I do wrong? Wouldn't you guys all be happier living a normal life?"

"Perhaps," he said nodding. "But that's not where we are. I'm happy with my life now..I wouldn't trade any of it. I'm a better man because of what you've made me. I like me."

She looked up at him with tears of gratitude in her eyes. She tried to open her mouth to say thank you but the words wouldn't come. Xand seemed to understand; he gave her a lop-sided grin and winked at her.

"Shut up Slayer, I'm enjoying my night."

"Sorry," she said, wrinkling her nose. "Closing eyes.."

"Good girl," Xand grinned.

"Hey Xan?"

"Yeah?" he said, mock impatiently.

"You believe in the afterlife?"

He considered for a moment, his eyes scanning several of the constellations. Finally he nodded. "Yeah..I think so..I think after all of this, I need to."

"You think if I die..he'll join me? Eventually? You think he wants to?"

Xander frowned. "No, Buffy, I don't think he wants to."

She looked up at him, wide-eyed, the pain in her heart very clear on her face. "You don't?"

"No, I don't think..I know. I know..you and Angel..man..you're you and Angel."

She smiled and dropped her head back down. "Thanks."

He nodded, eyes rolling. And then he looked down at her. Controlling his emotions, he said softly, "But don't go okay?"

She just smiled.

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